QLC Moment #13

I went out to meet with friends yesterday. It was one of those days wherein you sort of make plans, yet in the end nothing goes according to plan. It was not simply because of a series of unfortunate events...I mean yeah, it did rain and we had to force our half-asleep-selves out of bed just to push through with the trip, but the main culprit was that we were consciously making spontaneous decisions of changing the plans. From a supposed relaxing drive up the mountains and dipping in a hot spring, we made sudden turns that led us to various far flung restaurants that never managed to satisfy our palettes after three different places─a full stomach but an unsatisfied tongue. The recurring statement the whole day was, "I don't know what I'm craving for."

But of course that's not the "forever plan" I was talking about. At the end of the day my friend, who has the habit of blurting out snippets of what she's thinking, suddenly said, "I thought that was it, but now I'm down to this." [Referring to her plan of applying for a job overseas.] She was still recovering from a horrible heartbreak she experienced late last year. And when a friend decides to talk─really talk─you shut up and listen.

She went, "The papers were done. My supposed uniform for my job was already ready to be worn. Everything was set. We already talked about it, I had made the decision to go out and set my life with him. I really thought I was gonna be going out of the country because he was setting a life for us abroad, then all of a sudden he just calls me and that's it. That was my plan...now I don't know what I'm doing." A quick back story of the call was that the guy called from abroad to inform my friend [his then gf] that he met his high school sweetheart where he is living now and they hit it off. And only then did he realize that his high school sweetheart...is the one. She continued in a more high-pitched humorous tone, "He said he was sorry. SORRY! SORRY!? But then what can I do with his sorry!? What more can I do than just hurt. How will he react if I stab him on the back and just say oops, SORRY! What will he do with my SORRY if I already stabbed him!?!?" After getting some loud giggles from us she got more serious, "I wonder what went through my mother's mind when I went in her room and said that I was not pushing through with the plan? I saw the disappointment in her stare after she was caught off guard. I wanted to explain, but I didn't want to cry in front of her, so I left her room and cried in mine."

When she realized that she made herself vulnerable enough in front of us, she stopped. Then my other friend simply said, "You got it better because you're not yet engaged. Remember [insert girl's name here]? He called it off right after they got married. And this is exactly why I don't want some guy coming in my life and destroying my plans. He can wait, when I'm stable and able to live on my own terms!"  

That confession made me think, what would have I done if I was left crumbling in that situation? But then again...men were never really a priority above my own. 

Day Trip to Manjuyod, Bais

A couple of months ago I saw a video of what they're claiming as "The Maldives of the Philippines" with a sandbar stretching as far as the eyes could see. It was a promotional video, others were posted by video bloggers with the caption "Choose Philippines" or something like "Breathtaking Areal View of the Philippines." The drone shots were stunning. I HAD to go there, and it didn't matter who I went with as long as I make it. From the initial idea of coming in with a bunch of friends, around 15...four of us pushed through, and that did not stop the experience of being there become less breathtakingly memorable. It. Was. Magnificent. 

We didn't have a drone to hover and see what it looked like from above, but just from the focal point of where we were standing, glorious hues of varied blues reflected all over. It was enough to make us gawk on the pump boat. At one point I remember my brother declaring about not wanting to swim when we left the port, but when he saw how beautiful the water was, he was the first to jump in.

Here's a quick 360° view of what it was like to be on the water.

QLC Moment #06

I went out for dinner with a friend last week, from a simple catch up we ended up drinking six glasses of beer. Why? Other than the fact that we've come into terms that [some] craft beers actually taste good and not just some seawater piss with a bitter aftertaste, we reached a point in our conversation that made us go─OMG WHAT'S HAPPENING TO MY LIFE!?!? We are past the mid-twenties age, practically about to depart for the thirties stage , yet there we were without a proper course and direction. And while we see our batchmates posting about getting engaged, tying the knot or starting a family; about half of them pursuing their dreams abroad, there we were, back in our hometown, panicking. 

In between our plans of partnering up for a future business venture, she told me that she was torn with the decision of either pushing through with the solo business she had been planning for some months now or wait for a call from a company that she had been wanting to try out for quite some time. It was when I was driving her home when she blurted, "I really don't know if this is a sign or a test. Just about every time I am set to make a life-changing decision some sort of distraction comes up, and it's been setting me back a couple of times. I can't decipher what the universe is trying to tell me." 

I couldn't agree more. It's happened to me more often than I want it to, and it seriously changes the game, from something simple and a supposed straightforward decision it suddenly becomes this confusing struggle of weighing certain events whether to take it as a sign or a test. The two are very different things that can cause serious delays if taken the wrong way. Years of your life could turn into empty yieldings if wrongly interpreted. It's a frustrating situation to be in, no joke. It made me think about what my brother mentioned several weeks earlier, firmness and discernment is key to overcoming indecision. Deep gut feeling and proper meditation plus research can give you plausible answers, sometimes; as people's opinions tend to add chaos to the confusion.

We met again the other day. She was distraught at the curveball life threw at her. On the day that she made the decision that she was going to push through with the business, the company called...she got the job. 

The Ruins at Talisay

The Ruins, through the years, has been slowly developing from this old mansion born out of a man's love for his wife to this tourist destination/events place. The skeletal concrete rose out of the ashes of the mansion after being set on fire, for three consecutive days it burnt everything to the ground save for what is now being called as "The Taj Mahal of the Philippines." Through the years the management has been building structures around it, trees topping as high as the ruin, adding commercial value to the gem that once was, and ultimately diminishing its charm. 

A before and after pic. Goes to show how bad my photography has gotten.

Youth by Daughter

I came across this song about three years ago as a recommended video after going through the soundtrack of The Secret Life of Walter Mitty...either that, or it was a song under Spotify's Discover after listening to some Kodaline tracks. It took some repeats before I realized how heavy this song is. I initially thought the song is about us, the youth, millennials who pretty much got sick of life because one of the most prominent lines I could hear is: "And if you're still bleeding you're the lucky ones; cause most of our feelings, they are dead and they are gone." You know, when some of us have reached that feeling of emptiness due a quarter-life-crisis...a distraught existence, a hallowed out sense of self; it can really make you bleed out...yet your spirit feels numb at the inflicted wound because of you've been cut down countless of times. It can destroy so much life and emotions, regardless being wild and reckless because we are out chasing visions of our futures. We set fire on our insides for fun...only to blame ourselves in the end. Such is the roller coaster ride of it all.

But then I read the lyrics and suddenly it just turned out to be this really bad breakup with some guy, and it shows how terrible it was with the song's turnout. The irony of the sort-of upbeat drumming is in how the dark the lyrics is. The rawness of her pain is quite there. Down to the very end, there is no redemption in this song, just a lot of angst. Yet I don't know why I like it so much.

Here's the full song I got from azlyrics:

YOUTH

Shadows settle on the place, that you left.
Our minds are troubled by the emptiness.
Destroy the middle, it's a waste of time.
From the perfect start to the finish line.

And if you're still breathing, you're the lucky ones.
'Cause most of us are heaving through corrupted lungs.
Setting fire to our insides for fun
Collecting names of the lovers that went wrong
The lovers that went wrong.

We are the reckless,
We are the wild youth
Chasing visions of our futures
One day we'll reveal the truth
That one will die before he gets there.

And if you're still bleeding, you're the lucky ones.
'Cause most of our feelings, they are dead and they are gone.
We're setting fire to our insides for fun.
Collecting pictures from a flood that wrecked our home,
It was a flood that wrecked this home.

And you caused it,
And you caused it,
And you caused it

Well I've lost it all, I'm just a silhouette,
A lifeless face that you'll soon forget,
My eyes are damp from the words you left,
Ringing in my head, when you broke my chest.
Ringing in my head, when you broke my chest.

And if you're in love, then you are the lucky one,
'Cause most of us are bitter over someone.
Setting fire to our insides for fun,
To distract our hearts from ever missing them.
But I'm forever missing him.

And you caused it,
And you caused it,
And you caused it

Pet Peeve #015

One of things I hate─HATE─HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE! are people who are in a perpetual state of out-of-body experience because every time you ask them something, it seems like they first have to find they souls in abyss before gaining consciousness, reflect on your question like you were questioning their moral fiber when all the while you were asking if they have eaten or not. 

Unfortunately, like a ceaseless punishment, some of these people are permanently linked to me...and this often result to a quick conversation, usually ending with me just going quiet, walking away, or asking the next person closest to me. I ask, "Do you think it's cold?" And the person stares at a distance, contemplates on why the weather is such then goes in a slow voice, "N-noooo...I don't think so...mmmaaaaybe, noooot sure." WRAAAAAAAAAAAGHHH!    

QLC Moment #19

The other day my cousins, brother and I went out for dinner at Jaime's...and since we only managed to consume a few amount of beer by the end of the meal, my brother made me drive to another drinking spot for another round because he refused to go home without a proper alcohol-toxicity level. And while our cousins have all gone home, he, over a bottle of beer started talking about frustrated dreams and an unplanned life direction...and how I should not follow in his footsteps. 

There, in front of me was a man in his mid-thirties, telling me that adulthood is about survival. Childhood dreams no longer matter, it's about earning a living and paying the bills. I felt sorry for him; at this point, at my age, there is still a sense of idealism in me, unwilling to accept that as long as I have money in my pocket I'm fine and dreams need not fulfilled. I guess, life may have beaten me around a bit, but that should not stop me from ever giving up what I had set out to do. I refuse to let cynicism set in. It's gonna set my world into a flurry of grays and uninspired smiles. 

He said he strayed away too much for too long from his plans, that his detour kept him off the track more than he had realized and perhaps there's no going back but forward. I told him to wait for signs, that it's not too late, but he said that asking for signs can result to a lot of confusion. Far too many times he felt he has misinterpreted the signs being given, resulting him to further distance from the right track. He confessed that he had stopped asking for signs years ago, now he only prays for proper discernment...that he may find the strength to continue with whatever decision he might make with his life, and in the long run realize his life's purpose. Right now, his only concerns are what really matters to him, and us, his family.

I assured him not to worry, because as stupid as it might sound, this whole bum thing is still part of the ultimate game plan I had made way back in highschool. The whole jumping from one job to another, maintaining that uncertainty of finding a stable long-term 8-hour office job is, a sort of, half-conscious decision to keep my focus on the goal, and to avoid from staying too long in the grasps of self-serving corporations. Far too many people question my unorthodox strategy especially after leaving one of the biggest companies for this experimental business venture with my friends. Unknown to them, working for that company was just another one of those detours because I considered it as just one of those curious childhood what-ifs checked off my list of targets. Though it may be part of my dreams, it was never THE ultimate dream. 

So yeah...now I'm keeping myself in check...am I still within the realms of the world I had dreamt of building for myself? Maybe so...just some delays here and there, but definitely I'm still playing the game.