QLC Moment #19

The other day my cousins, brother and I went out for dinner at Jaime's...and since we only managed to consume a few amount of beer by the end of the meal, my brother made me drive to another drinking spot for another round because he refused to go home without a proper alcohol-toxicity level. And while our cousins have all gone home, he, over a bottle of beer started talking about frustrated dreams and an unplanned life direction...and how I should not follow in his footsteps. 

There, in front of me was a man in his mid-thirties, telling me that adulthood is about survival. Childhood dreams no longer matter, it's about earning a living and paying the bills. I felt sorry for him; at this point, at my age, there is still a sense of idealism in me, unwilling to accept that as long as I have money in my pocket I'm fine and dreams need not fulfilled. I guess, life may have beaten me around a bit, but that should not stop me from ever giving up what I had set out to do. I refuse to let cynicism set in. It's gonna set my world into a flurry of grays and uninspired smiles. 

He said he strayed away too much for too long from his plans, that his detour kept him off the track more than he had realized and perhaps there's no going back but forward. I told him to wait for signs, that it's not too late, but he said that asking for signs can result to a lot of confusion. Far too many times he felt he has misinterpreted the signs being given, resulting him to further distance from the right track. He confessed that he had stopped asking for signs years ago, now he only prays for proper discernment...that he may find the strength to continue with whatever decision he might make with his life, and in the long run realize his life's purpose. Right now, his only concerns are what really matters to him, and us, his family.

I assured him not to worry, because as stupid as it might sound, this whole bum thing is still part of the ultimate game plan I had made way back in highschool. The whole jumping from one job to another, maintaining that uncertainty of finding a stable long-term 8-hour office job is, a sort of, half-conscious decision to keep my focus on the goal, and to avoid from staying too long in the grasps of self-serving corporations. Far too many people question my unorthodox strategy especially after leaving one of the biggest companies for this experimental business venture with my friends. Unknown to them, working for that company was just another one of those detours because I considered it as just one of those curious childhood what-ifs checked off my list of targets. Though it may be part of my dreams, it was never THE ultimate dream. 

So yeah...now I'm keeping myself in check...am I still within the realms of the world I had dreamt of building for myself? Maybe so...just some delays here and there, but definitely I'm still playing the game.