I went out to meet with friends yesterday. It was one of those days wherein you sort of make plans, yet in the end nothing goes according to plan. It was not simply because of a series of unfortunate events...I mean yeah, it did rain and we had to force our half-asleep-selves out of bed just to push through with the trip, but the main culprit was that we were consciously making spontaneous decisions of changing the plans. From a supposed relaxing drive up the mountains and dipping in a hot spring, we made sudden turns that led us to various far flung restaurants that never managed to satisfy our palettes after three different places─a full stomach but an unsatisfied tongue. The recurring statement the whole day was, "I don't know what I'm craving for."
But of course that's not the "forever plan" I was talking about. At the end of the day my friend, who has the habit of blurting out snippets of what she's thinking, suddenly said, "I thought that was it, but now I'm down to this." [Referring to her plan of applying for a job overseas.] She was still recovering from a horrible heartbreak she experienced late last year. And when a friend decides to talk─really talk─you shut up and listen.
She went, "The papers were done. My supposed uniform for my job was already ready to be worn. Everything was set. We already talked about it, I had made the decision to go out and set my life with him. I really thought I was gonna be going out of the country because he was setting a life for us abroad, then all of a sudden he just calls me and that's it. That was my plan...now I don't know what I'm doing." A quick back story of the call was that the guy called from abroad to inform my friend [his then gf] that he met his high school sweetheart where he is living now and they hit it off. And only then did he realize that his high school sweetheart...is the one. She continued in a more high-pitched humorous tone, "He said he was sorry. SORRY! SORRY!? But then what can I do with his sorry!? What more can I do than just hurt. How will he react if I stab him on the back and just say oops, SORRY! What will he do with my SORRY if I already stabbed him!?!?" After getting some loud giggles from us she got more serious, "I wonder what went through my mother's mind when I went in her room and said that I was not pushing through with the plan? I saw the disappointment in her stare after she was caught off guard. I wanted to explain, but I didn't want to cry in front of her, so I left her room and cried in mine."
When she realized that she made herself vulnerable enough in front of us, she stopped. Then my other friend simply said, "You got it better because you're not yet engaged. Remember [insert girl's name here]? He called it off right after they got married. And this is exactly why I don't want some guy coming in my life and destroying my plans. He can wait, when I'm stable and able to live on my own terms!"
That confession made me think, what would have I done if I was left crumbling in that situation? But then again...men were never really a priority above my own.
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