A Year After the Lockdown

Three hundred and sixty-five days after, where are we at? Still on "lockdown" or "community quarantine" as declared by the state, but it no longer feels like so. I've grown attuned to the changes. The "new normal" isn't so bad once you get past the grumbling stage wherein you whine about all the precautions that needed to be made. I mean, I still hate wearing face shields and not being able to freely interact with people intimately without both parties having a sense of paranoia. Greeting people with a kiss or a hug I miss the most. But as long as I have enough freedom to go outside the gate without having to pass through checkpoints in between cities and get to dine in at restaurants, I am fine. It was about 361 days ago when the announcement was made, and 364 days when I took the news more seriously. I remember needing to go out and do something at BGC last March 15, 2020...exactly the day of the lockdown. I was there at 9am to purchase some food items, and as I was walking I could feel the eerie silence of the whole place. There was barely anybody there. Most of the shops were closed, no public vehicles on the road...everyone just sort of vanished. I can never forget that moment when I crossed the pedestrian on 5th Ave and I turned to my right to look at the incoming traffic, and all I saw was the vast emptiness of the city. That was the moment it dawned on me that shit just got real. Like a post-apocalyptic movie wherein the population has suddenly gone blank. I remember thinking to myself, "So it's actually happening." 

This was what greeted me at BGC March 15, 2020 at 9:15am. Nothing!

It was March 17, 2020, when we decided that we needed to close down our restaurants because there were no customers, plus our staff had been barricaded within their barangays that it was impossible to get past the checkpoints. Those who did manage to find a way around the perimeter had to walk all the way to work. My staff even told me that they had to sneak by a small ledge along the river just to make it past the military. It was a challenging two days, and so after packing all our stuff in, we hung our aprons and surrendered in defeat. We closed all three branches of our restaurant in the hopes of opening after a month...little did we know the ordeal would drag on for much much longer. It took us three months before reopening our store, but the damage that had transpired was quite something. The result of the lockdown left us with the decision of permanently closing one branch in August, right after opening it in February of the same year. Another big fall is the need of having to let go of half of our employees since we could no longer sustain the business. It was a hard blow for everyone...and we stopped any source of income in our restaurant from March down until October. I didn't earn a single peso for at least eight months. It was a matter of surviving the business and letting the money in just so we can pay our employees, sustain what we can, pay our dues, and hope for the best.

This is how the store looked like before we locked the gate for 3 months.

Being indoors for so long has allowed me to do a couple of things, particularly cook a lot. A whole lot. I have never cooked so much and on consecutive days in my whole life! As a result, I craved anything else but my cooking soon after. One of the best feelings after being deprived of restaurants and fast food meals was that first bite of burger McDo. I'm no longer a fan of fast food, but damn, to eat something that I didn't cook tasted so good. I could also distinctly remember the struggle I had of musing myself with any available product that could appease my craving for milktea and food items that were easily accessible then. And while I wasn't bothered by the curfew, having no means of public transportation allowed me to walk a few kilometers every time I had to buy anything in the groceries or the market. The first month was fine since I got to go out with my brother who helped me carry the load, but when the Quarantine Pass was required to get into shops and pass through checkpoints, that became the tricky part. Thankfully the quarantine pass they gave us didn't require a name, nor were the cross-checks of the pass, and valid IDs were implemented, so we got to take turns leaving the house. Plus, the process of walking so much helped me not gain those extra pounds.

For the first time, the streets were empty. It was fast to get from point A to point B...what took longer was the waiting line though. Limiting the number of people within a given space made for winding snake-like lines for the most basic of needs. The first thing I noticed was how much I prioritized getting hold of my favorite brands...and it became apparent what I wanted close to me in times when there are few options to be made. It made me realize how much of a fan I am of instant noodles, milk, panty liners, and cotton buds. Thankfully the entire time of the lockdown, I kept myself in good condition that I didn't need to go to the pharmacy nor the clinic. The mind has its ways of dealing with the situation and in this case, any form of illness must be denied by my body. Having been locked down with a pescatarian also had its perks as we were eating healthy food with her...on most meals at least. 

I had to take a photo right after my first two bites. Eating out literally meant eating out on the streets because we were not allowed to eat inside the restaurant. The QR Pass on the right was my pass to the outside world. I had to bring it everywhere for months.

On the flipside, I got to finally paint something that I've been wanting to paint for years. That is, my favorite animal in the world: a horse. I used metallic paint that's why it changes color depending on the light.

Social distancing and a line for everything. The emptiness of the restaurants was really sad.

Three brand drinks that gave me comfort the most while the world closed down.

Time with friends meant chatting online or doing video calls. Giving gifts meant having a third party deliver the item instead of having the perfect excuse for a meet-up. I dreaded having to go to banks, pay bills, withdraw from the ATM, go to malls, and market places. Not only did the queues mean waiting under the scorching summer sun, but it also meant having to interact with people. I remember going out for the first time after a strict quarantine period and forgetting what it was like to have a conversation outside of my home buddies and online chatmates. I stuttered speaking the first few words when I tried to order something for takeout. At the back of my mind, I was laughing as I was fumbling the words incorrectly.

A few of the things friends sent me as gifts during the quarantine.

Keeping my sanity meant doing routine stuff and being able to go out even just for a bit. I have always been ok with being alone. I don't find it mundane or ridiculous when people don't find the need to socialize all-day-everyday to find sense in the world. Transitioning from choosing to be alone and needing to be alone for an extended period was no challenge. The hardest thing was being stripped off of my freedom to be wherever I want whenever I want. To have to go through security and checkpoints...not being able to leave the country, much more the big city for months without the necessary paperwork was the most annoying thing for me. I usually don't mind overextending my stay in Metro Manila...in fact, I choose to stay within the city most days of the year, but to be stuck in a place that is not by choice became my issue. In the months that ensued, I longed more and more to go back to the province and be much closer to most of my family and nature. My greatest perk of owning a restaurant was having the privilege of using the business to easily go through checkpoints as deemed necessary, as long as was en route to my home and the restaurants. It was easy to use the business permit as a defense whenever needing to be at a different city, either to purchase stocks or deliver a product. Getting to leave the house and have a wider range of distance from my doorstep gave me enough sense of liberty and avoiding hysteria altogether. 

These are things I managed to cook sometime during the lockdown. We ate well, but we tried to also eat healthy...except for the dessert part.

I went back into baking ang made some really delicious desserts I can be proud of. It was also strawberry season during the lockdown...hence the abundance of it as a chosen ingredient.

Simple pleasures became the silver lining to the whole experience. To gradually be allowed to order take-out food and transition to being allowed to dine-in suddenly became something to look forward to with much enthusiasm. I found myself falling back on my faith again, praying the rosary a lot more, and focusing on the basic things that mattered. We all took whatever glimmer of hope we can get as it was the only option given. 

Much like the rest of the world, I lived most days indoors, viewing beyond what I could not reach through my phone or laptop screen. And pretty much like everyone else, I had a whole different plan for my 2020...particularly in terms of travel and income generation. I was supposed to travel to South Korea and the USA for 2020. I was supposed to work my ass off managing my branch and earning so much that by the end of the year I'd have enough savings that can take me to go backpacking around Europe by the end of 2021. Those plans all came crashing down, burning any hope of making it happen last year, this year, or even the next. I had to live on my savings for months. The pandemic shifted my life and changed my short-term plans into something else. It led me to other dreams that I have. Subconscious thoughts that sat in my head for years but never really reached the proper fervor that made it happen, finally progressed. It was because of the pandemic that I changed the timeline I had for myself. It moved it much sooner than I had initially imagined myself doing or living. It catapulted me two to three years into my plans of moving back to my hometown and settling a life dedicated to a much laid-back lifestyle that mostly centers on family and my childhood dreams. Had it not been something that was forced upon me, to have to take one fork on the road because the other side had been blocked drove me to play the game differently. It was either waiting it out by stopping my life's progress, or alter my present state and adjust accordingly by making something else happen. That became my frame of mind, to move forward with other plans while put on hold what cannot be possible.  

Did some online workshop, and also got our meager food ration from the government. A glass of beer and hoping to once again be onboard the plane that was passing by was something I found comfort in. The wide-open field on the lower right was my favorite site for long walks.

By the end of the year we did get to manage to celebrate our birthdays with our closest circle. Seeing them in person and laughing with them over food made it so special after not seeing them for so long.

It felt both dragging and fast at the same time. And it was amazing that with all the time that was given to me, I was not able to pick up any video games nor watch a whole lot of TV series. It was the perfect form of procrastination. Wherein, I was not given many options...yet I chose to do nothing most hours of the day. I guess it took so much of my time to provide three meals for three people in a day that I never got to do as much as I imagined myself doing. We did manage to do some of the trends though, like making dalgona coffee and grow some plants...though both were forgotten long before we were allowed more freedom. One of the things that kept me sane the most was the long quiet walks whenever I needed to buy provisions for the house. It was both refreshing and satisfying to walk on the streets with very few people. Ever so often I'd pass this open field on the side of the road whenever I had to go to the supermarket, and when I pull down my mask to breathe in unfiltered air I felt my lungs revitalized. It was one of the simple pleasures I had back then. Going up the deck of the building to see the sunset made me feel alive a little bit more. I spent most days staying in the small two-bedroom condo unit with my brother and a red-haired Romanian who was a friend of a friend, who got stuck with us during the lockdown and became quite a close friend because of it. We'd spend most days just chatting random nonsense, and it was because of this that I got to talk about stuff I wouldn't normally discuss nor open up...but the way the Romanian structured her questions made tell stories and thoughts a little deeper than usual. I got to reflect a lot on my present state, and where I want to be, truly, in the years that will someday be my present. 

And so one year after, I found myself moving back to my hometown, to the house where I grew up in. Things took a turn...things I was half-expecting to happen even before this covid fiasco. Some things are not exactly as I initially intended it to happen, too soon at least, but somehow it did. Is this my full circle? I don't think so. But now I have other plans, a bit different from what I envisioned...but still part of the bigger picture at least.